Wednesday, Sept. 26, 2007 - 12:02 am

And so it goes -

Just when I think it's really over, my subconsious regurgitates all over my brain and I have to clean up the mess...

Yes, this is about E.

I really thought I had finished the demolition and subsequent clean up of that part of my life, but now it's coming to me in dreams. Frequent dreams about E, often about E being in trouble, in danger, dead...

The first one I remember clearly was maybe a month ago, when I dreamt that E's brother had died, and everyone came to find me because I was the only one who would be able to talk to E about what had happened.

The most recent one involved E being dead and the family having me help sort through E's belongings. I came across a giant stack of envelopes with my handwriting on them and I took them. After all, they were technically mine.

It's not fair. You know, I worked at this, I really worked hard at just getting this all out of my system, just moving on. I really thought I'd made peace with everything and that I was finally free; and I really felt that I was, too. Now I'm dreaming that E is dead, which is only a manifestation of how I felt when I threw out the boxes. I felt I had killed a part of E, a part that only I knew. But this is all old news. Why is it resurfacing? What the hell is this about?